Homecoming
by ViperSeven
Summary: "You loved him" he says, and it isn't a question, because he knows. "I still do." A story about Bucky's recovery. Stucky. Rating is for final chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Saw TWS for the millionth time and decided it was finally time I started putting some ideas into words.**

**This was written as a long one-shot, but I've divided it into small chapters to make it more readable. Length may vary depending on the reception, but the general storyline is already done, so you won't have to wait a lot for each chapter.**

**Rating is for future chapters.**

* * *

It takes them seven decades to meet again at last.

But when they finally do, the momentary hopeful bliss quickly turns into a sharp pain.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

And Steve's world crashes down once again.

But then the man who isn't Bucky drags him out of the river, and how can he not have faith?

* * *

It takes Steve seven months to find Bucky.

Not that "find" is exactly the right word. He found his track almost as soon as they let him out of the hospital, but Bucky had always remained at a constant distance ahead of him, no matter how fast Steve moved. So from almost the start of his chase, he has at all times had a more or less precise idea of where Bucky has been, but so far that knowledge hasn't brought him any closer to the man.

Until now.

James Barnes has been dragging him all around Europe, and Steve now finds himself in an area of narrow streets and small squares in Madrid. He gets off his bike, scanning the surrounding pub terraces, alleys and dark corners. He knows he's close – Tony has given him a couple gadgets to aid him with his search, and even if he does not fully understand how they work (something about hacking a satellite and stuff), he understands enough to know he owes Stark a big one. Just as he starts considering checking pub by pub, he sees a strong figure with dark, long hair and a long-sleeved black T-Shirt walking out of a bar and into an alley, and his pulse races.

At some point he was probably aware of the need to approach the man carefully, to avoid making him want to run away from him, but he longs to see his friend and all rational thoughts are forgotten as he chases after him.

Expectedly, as soon as he turns the corner an arm is pushing him against the wall, though not as forcefully as Steve knows he's capable of. The man grabs onto the front of his shirt and speaks with low, menacing grunts.

"Qué coño quieres? Si buscas dinero, te has equivocado" he says in Spanish, and only then Steve notices he's still wearing his helmet, and that Bucky has probably mistaken him for a drunkard, a thug, or something.

He takes the fact that Bucky adjusted his strength when smashing him against the wall, thinking he was just a normal human and not wanting to really hurt him, as a good sign.

"Easy, Sergeant. It's me", and as the man pulls back in surprise he takes his helmet off. Bucky glares at him when he recognizes him.

"You! Why are you here?"

"I've been following you. I wanted t–"

"You've been following me!?" he growls.

"Well, yeah!" he lets out a sarcastic snort, as if it was the most stupid question in the world. "What did you expect me to do, let you disappear again?"

"Leave me _the fuck _alone" he snaps as he turns around to leave.

"Buck, wait!" He reaches out for him, but the man suddenly grabs his wrist, harshly this time, not holding himself back, and Steve winces.

"Do not call me _tha_t."

Steve slowly raises his free hand in an attempt to show submission. This is not going well.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Look, I just need to talk to you for a bit, please. In fact, I'll do most of the talking; I just want you to listen."

The man does not answer, and for a moment Steve could've sworn his eyes showed hesitation. He tries pushing it a bit further.

"Please, I know it must've been hard for you but –"

"Don't patronize me."

"I'm– I'm not…" he sighs. Scratch that from earlier, this is going _really bad_. "Really, that wasn't my intention. I do not intend to cause you trouble either. Let me just show you something at least, and then I swear I won't bother you anymore."

A few moments pass and none of them make a sound, but then, reluctantly, the dark haired man lets go of his wrist, and Steve has to hold back the impulse to rub it to soothe the pain, because feeling guilty is the last thing Bucky needs right now.

"Show me what?" he asks cautiously.

Smiling so brightly it makes the man uncomfortable, the blond takes a big folder out of his satchel and hands it to him.

"These are some files that belonged to Hydra. One is yours. I…I want you to take a look at them, please. Read them. I think you might find them… helpful? Informative, at least. And this" he adds as he hands him a small box "is a cell phone. The charger is inside too. It has my number on it, and the address to the place I'm renting here. Come, or call me at whatever time you want."

The man wavers, but ends up taking everything Steve is handing him. Then he just nods and turns to leave, because the blond is still smiling at him, and for some reason he can't take it.

* * *

**This one was just an intro but I hope it was ok, since English is not my first language.  
Let me know what you think! (:**

**- V7**


	2. Chapter 2

**To those who read the comics, please forgive my small artistic license regarding The Winter Soldier's origins.  
**

* * *

For days he hears no news of Bucky, but that doesn't bum him out.

He knows he has not left the city, and that's enough for now. Of course he'd have preferred it if his friend had called, and he did spend the first days rushing to answer the phone every time it ringed, but at least the man's not running away from him again, and he still has a lot of catching up to do, so he rarely gets bored.

So when a week later, heading back home for dinner, he unexpectedly bumps into him when turning around a corner, it comes as a surprise. A pleasant surprise, that is.

"Buc– uhh… hey! H-How have you been?"

"You haven't left" the man says, though he sounds more like he's making a statement, rather than angry or accusatory.

"Yeah I–I'm sorry. I can't really leave, but I _have _been trying not to bother you, like I promised. I wasn't following you right now, I swear it. I was just going home."

Bucky nods, but he does not speak, and Steve wants to say something, anything that'd make Bucky loosen up a bit, but nothing he comes up with sounds right, so in the end he just decides to stay true to his word and go home.

"I'll be taking my leave th–"

"I've been meaning to call you…"

"Y-You have?" So maybe it wasn't a coincidence that he had jumped into him, maybe he had been waiting for him to turn up. He shots a hopeful look at him, but the man is already looking like he regrets having spoken those words.

Steve sighs.

"Do you… want to come to my place?" Bucky automatically tenses, but the blond smiles at him, encouragingly. "Come on, it's close. I'll make you dinner."

He turns around and starts walking, not wanting to give the man a chance to refuse, and apparently it works, because, after a few seconds of indecision, Bucky follows him home, silently and warily, like a stray cat that's just too hungry to feel fear anymore and gives up for the promise of food. Only it's not nourishment he's after, but answers. He has no memories he can trust, but unlike before, when he belonged to Hydra, his mind is not empty, and he needs to know why he's getting all these thoughts and emotions that have been roaming through his head since he fought this very same man on the bridge. He longs for answers even though he does not dare to dwell on those thoughts and feelings long enough to actually put them into questions.

Being here, at the apartment of the man who once was his target, and unarmed on top of that, goes against all of Bucky's instincts, and Steve can tell he's… uncomfortable, to say the least. He tries his best not to make any sudden movements, and he offers him a drink and something to eat, hoping he'll calm down eventually, but Bucky shakes his head and just sits stiffly on the chair.

Steve still places a water jug and a couple glasses on the table before sitting down too.

"So… have you thought of a name?" Bucky looks at him with questioning eyes. "Well, I'm not calling you the Winter Soldier, since you're obviously not him anymore, but you don't like Bucky, so you know, I thought maybe…"

The man seems to consider it for a few minutes before answering.

"When you found me you called me Sergeant…"

"Yeah, it was your rank."

"It didn't sound… wrong."

"Then Sergeant that is" he says, smiling at him again. _Why does he always smile? _Bucky has to look away.

"I read the files"

"And…?"

"I might… believe that James Barnes and I once were the same person…" that earns him another hopeful look from the blond, and Bucky shifts on his chair because it's getting uncomfortable.

"Did you read about…"

"The wipes. That's what you gave me the files for, what you wanted me to see." Steve nods. "Hydra tried it's version of the soldier-serum on two other war prisoners, aside from Barnes" Bucky's repeating the things Steve has already read about, but he lets him go on. "They had to wipe them too; 3 times with Bray, and another one after his first mission. It took 5 for Jordan. They both died during subsequent infusions of the serum"

"Yes. And… you?"

"21 before I started taking orders. More after every few missions, especially with certain targets…" he recites everything mechanically, like giving a report. "They had to wipe me 4 times before I finally killed Stark, and another one afterwards. The count stops at 32, but I know there was at least another one, after I fought you on the bridge. That one didn't work, though."

"None did" Bucky looks at him as if he had just woken up from a trance, and then tenses violently as the man gets off his chair and kneels before him. The blond takes his hands into his, and Bucky's breath hitches and he has to, _needs to_ get away from here, from him, from this feeling of false safety, _yet why isn't he running? Why is he letting him hold his hands?_

But for some reason he's unable to move, so he just sits, stiller than a statue and inhaling through his nose because he's clenching his jaw so much he cannot even take breaths. Steve goes on.

"You're here. You remembered me. All of those wipes and you still knew me. Till the end of the line."

The older man closes his eyes and shakes his head. He's trying to speak but he can't come up with words, so in the end he just looks back into Steve's eyes, pleadingly.

"Please…" he whimpers.

He seems so hurt that the blond unconsciously lets go of his hold on his hands, and as soon as he does Bucky suddenly pulls away and stands, ready to leave.

"No, wait!" says Steve, standing too as his friend walks away and towards the door. "Sergeant, please…"

Bucky pauses with his hand already on the handle, but does not turn around.

Steve doesn't move either, certain that if he tries to come closer to his friend, he'll leave, but in the end, he knows there's nothing he can say to make him stay. Not for now.

"Do you have a place to stay, at least?"

Slowly, Bucky nods.

"You're eating, right?" he didn't seem to be starving, and he had shaved and his clothes were also clean, so he probably had been doing ok, but still, Steve feels the need to ask.

Again, a nod. The blond sighs.

"Well, if you need anything, just call, ok?" The man turns to briefly look at him.

"Thanks…" he mutters.

And with that, Bucky leaves.

* * *

**- V7**


	3. Chapter 3

**This one's a bit shorter, sorry!**

* * *

Considering it had taken Bucky a whole week to come to him after their first encounter, he's not expecting his friend to turn up for a few days at least, and much less expecting to find him at his door only two days later, waiting for him.

But here he is, and he even greets him with a shy "Hi…" when he sees him. It makes Steve want to hug him, but he holds back, settles for a "Hey!" and a welcoming smile instead, and invites him in.

"You're staying for lunch, right?" the blond asks, placing a paper bag on the counter. The older man shakes his head.

"I came to return your files" he says, as if that answered the question.

"Oh, you could've kept them, I don't really need them back. But since you're already here, why not stay? You used to like my cooking."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Steve knows he's made a mistake.

Bucky tenses at the mention of the past life he can't remember, lays the folder down on the table and looks like he's about to leave, so Steve pulls a "Stray Cat" again, and like he did when he invited him home, he sets two plates on the table and hands him a beer without letting him answer. And the man yields and takes it.

They don't talk much as he cooks, Bucky just sitting at the table and occasionally taking small sips of his beer, but if Steve's not mistaken, he's also looking less uncomfortable and tense than before. He does not lower his guard again, however. More than out of fear, he seems like he's wanting to avoid Steve coming too close and touching him again, because every time Steve hovers just a bit too close, he shifts or pulls back a little, keeping the distance.

"So… how have you been? What've you been up to?" he starts conversationally after he puts the food in the oven and sits.

"I've been… I'm helping out at a coffee pub. And Moving boxes and… stuff."

"Wow. That's great, Sergeant! How did it happen?" It didn't really matter, but it kept Bucky talking, and at least now he knew he was earning some money and eating properly.

"An old couple runs it. I was… having dinner there on my third day here, chased out a few drunkards… They offered me a bedroom if I helped them out. I think they mistook me for a backpacker…"

Steve lets out a small chuckle at that, and the sound makes something move inside Bucky.

He still doesn't understand why he keeps getting weird feelings whenever he's with him. Ok, so maybe he knew him once, but he does not remember a single thing of that time, so why should that make a difference?

He doesn't know the answer, and that only makes it even more frustrating. All he knows is that a part of him, the part of him that he's sure about and he understands, keeps telling him that he's just analyzing his target, learning his traits, finding his weaknesses… but then there's also a part of him that just wants him to keep talking, smiling, and Bucky's not ready yet to admit how aware he is of that part.

"Smoked salmon and courgette quiche"

The blond's words bring him back to the present, and Bucky has to hold back the impulse of licking his lip, because the food he serves on the plate in front of him smells like heaven.

He does not try it until he sees Steve start eating, but when he does his eyes widen in surprise. He's not used to eating for pleasure, he's only done it as a biological process so far, and it's not like Hydra cared for hiring good chefs. Not even the food he has been eating these days has tasted so good, but that was expected considering he doesn't have much money and has been settling with basics.

"It's… It tastes really good" he says, and the man smiles. Of course he smiles, the guy's a fucking smile attached to a face. Bucky doubts he'll ever get used to it.

* * *

**Simply cause Steve has always looked like he'd make a perfect cooking hubby to me, and after the fondue incident I imagine he made sure he was up to date with the cooking lingo.**

**- V7  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**In which Bucky finally starts to open up a bit. **

* * *

Bucky starts coming over more often after that. He doesn't even know why he keeps coming back, most time he just finds himself there.

He does not try making up excuses, he simply knocks on the door and Steve greets him with a "Hi Sergeant!" and lets him in without a question. He never calls first, but he somehow seems to always know when Steve is going to be home.

Usually, they don't do much talking. Bucky sits on his customary chair and watches Steve do the housework, or cook, or maybe catch up on stuff. Steve then generally offers him something to drink or eat, or maybe a book to read, and Bucky always tries to refuse, but most times the man either does not wait for an answer or simply ignores it, so he ends up letting himself be swayed and taking whatever Steve is handing him.

Sometimes Steve tries to get him to open up, or pushes him a bit to see if he remembers something. Those days Bucky does not stay much.

Occasionally, Bucky's the one who starts talking. He asks Steve questions about the man he's not anymore, not really caring for the facts, but rather for what James Buchanan Barnes would've done in a certain situation, what he would've thought, felt…

Steve thinks that maybe he wants to check how much alike he and James Barnes are, so he starts rephrasing the questions when Bucky asks.

"What do _you _think he would've said?"

"I… I don't know, I'm asking you!"

"Ok, so what would you've said, then?" Bucky frowns, but considers it anyway.

"I think… I would've told him to fuck off" Steve laughs.

"Yeah, well, that's exactly how Buck phrased it, too" he says, and did he just see a small half-smile on Bucky's face?

The progress is _slow_, but it's there, turning Bucky more into a normal man, small step at a small step. It takes Steve ages to get him to sit on the couch or just move around the place, and even more to get him to call him by his name.

He does not know it, but directly addressing him by a name means Bucky has stopped trying to convince himself that he sees him as a target, and that takes the man some time.

But when he finally does he starts calling him "Rogers", and the military vibe he gets from him being referred to as "Sergeant" and calling the blond "Rogers" is comfortingly familiar and soothing.

Of course, Steve has tried to convince him to just call him by his first name, but Bucky's not ready for that kind of intimacy just yet.

However he does tell the man where he works, and when he comes to visit, it makes his day a bit brighter.

He also talks more, and they go out sometimes, for walks or to visit some place Steve has read about on the internet.

Bucky has managed to avoid all kinds of physical contact so far, but that changes when they take the subway the first time.

They reach a crowded station, and when people start rushing in, they offhandedly shove Bucky against Steve. He doesn't even register the proximity of the man at first, he's just trapped between bodies, and all he notices is the part of him that still is the Winter Soldier feeling cornered, growing restless by the second. He clenches his fists, realising he's about to loose control, and he _needs to_ get away, but then a strong arm wraps around his waist and Steve brings him closer to him. His breath hitches, but the man keeps holding him tight, and soothingly draws circles on the small of his back with his thumb.

"It's ok, Sergeant" he whispers into his ear. "Take deep breaths."

He does, and Steve's scent fills his mind, acting like an instant balm. When finally enough people get out to allow them to move again, Steve lets go of him, and he almost misses the presence, but the man takes his hand into his, and Bucky does not pull back.

It surprises him, but he finds himself not only not minding more contact after that, but actually wanting it. So he doesn't sit or walk so stiffly anymore, his arm or his hip sometimes rubbing slightly against Steve's as he walks by, and when they sit on the couch to watch a movie, he leans in a bit closer.

Steve soon takes notice, and from that moment he makes sure he's touching Bucky at every chance he has, holding hands, tapping on his shoulder, gently punching him on the arm when he's on a teasing mood… To Bucky's relief, he doesn't even seem to mind the metal arm.

It's only then that the older man notices how much of the touching type Steve really is, and how it must've been awfully hard for him to hold back around him.

It makes him feel grateful, so that afternoon when he visits, he walks up to him with a question on his lips.

"Hey…" he starts, hesitantly. Steve turns from the food he's preparing and looks at him.

"What's up, Sergeant? Do you need something?" Bucky shakes his head.

"Would you mind it if... Can I call you Steve?"

And Bucky's certain that wars could be started for a smile like that.

"Of course you can! God Buc– dammit. Yes, please _do_, you jerk" he stammers, and hugs him. And Bucky isn't entirely uncomfortable with it.

* * *

"Can you feel with that?" Steve asks him one day, after they absentmindedly ended up holding hands while watching a TV Show. Bucky does not answer straight away.

"I feel pressure…" he says quietly after a bit. "I can tell apart a light touch from a grip or a punch, but I do not feel the associated sensations, like pain or… pleasure" he speaks the word as if it was a foreign concept. "There's not warmth or coldness either. Hydra gave me only what they thought I needed. Pressure is useful in fights, and for manipulating stuff, helps me adjust my strength. The rest is not."

Steve looks at him through sad eyes.

"But that's… Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault."

"I-I know, I mean… It's too bad that you can't feel nice things, it sucks." he says, looking at the metal fingers entwined with his. His thumb had been caressing the back of his hand, but now he just sighs and does not resume the movement, since it seems pointless. Bucky then tightens the grip on his hand.

"When you touch me, it feels nice" the younger man looks back up at him, confused.  
"But you said…"

"I don't feel it like with my right hand, but my brain is slowly making connections" he explains. "Until now, if someone touched me it only was during fights or missions, or my handlers for some reason. It didn't exactly hurt, but my mind knew that all that contact was associated with fighting and pain. When you started touching me you did it in a way I had never experienced before, and my brain wasn't sure how to process the information the neural receptors were sending… But I've been learning to identify it as something different, something… _yours_. And now it always feels nice. It's… difficult to explain"

"I think I get it" Steve says as he starts to stroke his hand again, smiling at him.

And the man has to look away, because that smile is messing with his head.

* * *

******Well, now we're starting to get somewhere! (:**

**- V7**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh, the OOCness... please don't hate me!**

* * *

Despite all of his progress, he isn't getting his memories back.

He's certain that he was once James Barnes at this point, but he doesn't even have a single memory to prove it.

In hopes of triggering them, he starts asking Steve to tell him about the man. There comes a time when he'd probably be able to narrate Sgt. Barnes' whole life, but only through all the things Steve has told him. No matter how hard he tries –and he does try, every night when he's alone–, he doesn't feel it as _his_ life, but rather as a movie or a book, something he's watched or read but that someone else has lived.

He wonders when will the blond get tired of waiting for his friend to come back, but if the man ever has such thoughts, he hides them well.

Steve tells him about the man he's not anymore.

He tells him about all the times James Barnes took care of him, tells him about the war, about the Howling Commandos… He tells him about rescuing him from Hydra, and how it was absolutely worth the risk, because he wouldn't have been able to live wondering what might've happened to him. And he does not tell him about the fall, maybe because he doesn't want him to feel bad, or pressured, or who knows what, but Bucky knows about it anyway, because he's read the files, and he's not a fool.

And there's also another thing he knows.

Bucky clenches his fists. What is this feeling? Sadness, and anger, and hopelessness all combined into an oppressive knot in his stomach. He's… jealous? He's jealous of a dead man, and the absurdity of the fact only makes him feel worse.

But how could anyone not feel jealous, listening to the way Steve speaks of the man? Bucky curses at him for dying and leaving himself as a poor replacement, and for the first time he _really_ wishes he could be the person Steve needs, the person of whom he speaks with such passion… but he can't, and it hurts.

"You loved him" he says, and it isn't a question, because he knows.

"I still do."

His usage of the present tense makes Bucky wince and feel even worse, so much that it even shows, and the man looks somewhat pained when he speaks, staring at his hands, not meeting the blond's gaze.

"Steve, I… I don't think I'll ever be able to be that man again. I'm sorry. I know you want him back, but I just… You cling to me, waiting for something that's not going to happen, and it doesn't seem fair. You should… You'd be happier if you went back home…"

"What the hell are you saying?"

Steve's voice is harsh, and Bucky looks taken aback for a moment.

"I-I'm not remembering, I'm only just getting closer to being a normal person" he says as an explanation. "Most of the time I'm just trying to keep focused and not start snapping people's necks…"

But Steve angrily grabs onto the front of his shirt and shoves him against the wall, cutting him off.

"Listen to me._ Listen to me_, for fuck's sake. I've been trying to take this calmly, to let you slowly step out of your comfort zone, and I thought it was working but if you're speaking all this nonsense it obviously isn't, so shock therapy it is. Cut it with the self-pity. You _are _Bucky. I see him in you all the time. Every time you stop worrying about the Winter Soldier, or about not remembering, or about not meeting some expectations you apparently think I have, you _actually_ become Bucky. The things you do, the way you speak, the thinks you like or the things you don't… it's all Bucky, over and over. So do not feed me that 'your friend isn't coming back' crap, cause you're _right here_.

"But… Steve…" Bucky's lips are trembling. Steve just doesn't understand. "What defines a man, if not his memories and his actions? I have no memories, and… as for my actions… Steve, I was a weapon."

"Exactly. You _were_ a weapon. And fine, you don't have any memories; so what? You remembered _me,_ and that's enough. We'll just make new ones" he tells him, but Bucky keeps shaking his head. "You're just the same as Bucky was, the same body, the same brain, the same heart. Everything you need to be the same man you once were, you have it in you. You just need to stop fighting it so hard."

"I killed people!"

"Hydra killed people. You've said it yourself, you were a weapon. Weapons don't have free will, they don't make choices, it's the person wielding it who makes the decision. If Hydra wanted those people dead, they would've killed them with or without you; it's what you've done after being free from Hydra what counts. You were a weapon but _now_ you're a man. You're living a normal life, even helping people out, and goddammit you _saved my life_. I'd say you're doing pretty good…"

Bucky looks like he's on the verge of breakdown.

"But…"

"Stop it. Don't walk the path of self-loathing, please. I've done that. I blamed myself for decades for not being able to catch you when you fell, I still do, and it's not a pleasant road. It's self-destructive. Bucky, please–"

"But I'm not Bucky…" and he looks devastated as he says it.

"You are. I should've been calling you that all along. Please, look at me" the man doesn't look up, so Steve gently lifts his chin. "I don't want you to think you have to change for me. I don't have some expectations you need to meet, I just want you to be the man you are right now, when you feel comfortable enough to truly act like yourself. The Bucky that's before me right now… I like that man, and I don't want him to be any different. I don't want him- I don't want _you_ to pretend you have to be anything else other than just yourself. So will you please stop worrying so much about everything and just let me enjoy the fact that you're actually here with me, _alive_?"

Bucky can't speak, but he slowly nods, and when Steve pulls him into a bear hug, he feels a little closer to home.

* * *

**- V7**


	6. Chapter 6

**The negative aspect of dividing a one-shot into small chapters is that you're left with some chapters in which not much happens.**

* * *

It takes Bucky seven weeks after Steve first found him to move in with him.

Steve's outburst two days prior works miracles with Bucky's recovery. He talks more, dares speak his opinion or give voice to wants, and he even smiles sometimes.

He would've gladly slept on the couch, but Steve insisted that he used the bedroom instead.

"The mattress is too soft; I sleep on the couch most days anyway, so it's not a bother" he had said. Bucky suspects it to be a lie, but the bed smells like Steve, so he does not really argue.

Now that he spends much more hours with the man, he notices Steve gets a lot of phone calls. Bucky knows most of them: Romanoff, Wilson, Fury, Stark. They all ask the blond to come back, and Bucky feels a bit guilty for keeping him here, away from all of his friends, even though Steve always laughs and just answers "soon" into the speaker.

Sometimes they ask the man about him too, and he tenses momentarily, but the blond smiles at him and all he says is "we're both ok". If any of his friends find that weird or have something to say about Bucky living with him, the man does not tell him.

They get a visit one day.

There's a knock on the door, and Steve turns at Bucky, confused.

"Are you expecting someone?"

Bucky shakes his head as Steve goes to get the door.

"Tony!"

"Hey Cap! What's up? Missed me?"

"Wha- why are you here?"

"Pepper and I are visiting Paris, and the exhibit we were watching was the most boring thing in the world, trust me, so I though, why not pay the old man a little visit? I put the suit on, and here I am."

"And Pepper knows about this?"

"She thinks I went to grab something to eat, which isn't entirely a lie… So, how have you been, Capsicle?"

"I- uhh… Great, thanks. Everything ok back home?"

"Meh, not much exciting stuff going on. Are you planning on staying here forever? I'll deny having said it if you ever tell someone, but we kinda miss you back there."

"Yeah well, your secret's safe with me, don't worry. We're just waiting until Bucky feels a bit more comfortable with dealing with people who are likely to be… judgmental" he says as he steps aside, letting him meet the man.

Bucky's nervous and hasn't moved since the billionaire stepped into the apartment, but Tony casually walks to him and offers his hand for him to shake it.

"So this is Mr. Ice Cube number 2, nice to meet you!" he greets him with a smile, but Bucky shakes his head.

"I killed your father" he states.

Stark drops his hand.

"Bucky! That's not –" Steve starts, but the man cuts him off.

"It's the truth…" he says, and he sounds terribly sorry about it. But Tony just smiles at him.

"No, old man, Hydra killed my father. The only thing you just killed is the mood" he teases, patting on his shoulder. Bucky slowly smiles back at him, and Steve breathes a sigh of relief. Of course they're going to get along well, Buck was always a teaser himself. Note to self: thank Stark, the fucking bastard, because from all of his friends he's probably the one with the most reasons to hate Bucky, and still he has not only helped him find him, but also said just the right words to let the man forgive himself.

He hands the two men a couple beers and lets them chat, Tony now examining with fascination Bucky's metal prosthesis, and though something inside him flinches when he sees Stark casually touching his friend's arm, he's happy to see that Bucky does not look uncomfortable.

"I'd better get going, before Pepper figures out the truth" the man says after a while, standing up. "You two geezers take care. Let me know when you want to come back, I'll send a jet to pick you up."

"Thanks, Stark", and Bucky's words carry much more than just gratitude for the offer.

"My pleasure. Do come visit me at the Stark tower, I think I might be able to help you with that arm, add a couple thermoreceptors maybe, make it feel more real."

"I-I will, thanks!"

The man nods and grins, and as Steve walks him to the door he thanks him for everything, but the ex-playboy simply shrugs as if it hadn't been a big deal.

"Anytime, Cap. See you soon, I hope."

"Bye, Tony. Tell everyone I said hi."

When he's gone, Steve turns to face Bucky. He doesn't seem bothered, but the blond apologizes anyway.

"Sorry, I was really not expecting him to turn up like that."

"It's ok. He's… funny."

Bucky smiles when he speaks of the man, and for some reason it annoys Steve.

* * *

A pained scream wakes him up that night.

It has happened before, occasionally, and it was extremely frustrating at first, because Bucky wouldn't even let him come close to comfort him, and he'd have to watch the man trying to catch his breath from the doorstep, clenching his fists and summoning all of his will-power to not rush to hug him, knowing it would only make it worse.

But they get a bit closer everyday, so this time when Bucky's nightmare wakes him, he's instantly sitting on the bed by his friend, holding his hand and anchoring the man to reality. Bucky does not shove him away. He's panting and sweating, and clings to Steve desperately, because the super soldier makes him feel safe in a way he can barely process.

"Shh, Bucky, it's ok. You're here, you're with me."

"Steve…" he tugs at his T-Shirt, and the blond complies and moves closer, hugging him.

"It's ok, bud. No one's going to hurt you."

But Bucky shakes his head.

"They– They were hurting_ you_" he mumbles. Steve is speechless.

"God, Buck…" he simply says after a few seconds, holding him tightly and burying his nose in his hair.

"I won't let them. I won't let anyone hurt you."

And Steve kisses his forehead and smiles to himself, because he man doesn't even realise how much he _really_ is James Buchanan Barnes.

"I know" he says.

* * *

**- V7**


	7. Chapter 7

**Aaaand another one (:**

* * *

Bucky's laughing.

Not just smiling, or chuckling quietly, but truly _laughing._

The first time he does it he's watching a stupid TV Show, and it comes as such a surprise that Steve actually drops the book he has been reading.

"Buck…" he looks at him with wide eyes, and when the man meets his gaze, still laughing softly, is when he realises what has just happened. He falls silent instantly, confused about what he's just done.

"Sorry…" he says.

"Sorry? Bucky that was the most amazing sound I've ever heard!" Steve tells him, smiling brightly. He sits on the couch beside him and hugs him. "Jesus fuck, how I missed that!"

Lately, every time Steve hugs him, Bucky feels a weird tingling sensation in his stomach. The man smells too good, smiles too brightly, his body is too warm…

He's not sure he's comfortable with it. A big part of him is still a well-trained assassin, someone who doesn't like not having everything under control, and these confusing feelings unsettle him. And Steve is too close.

Taking a sharp breath, he gently pushes the man away. He needs space, and Steve grants him it, understanding. It's not the first time this happens. Bucky's slowly getting used to physical contact that does not involve pain, and he seems to like it when Steve holds his hand, hugs him, or absentmindedly draws patterns on his arm, even seeking the contact himself on occasions, but sometimes the Winter Soldier stirs inside him, and he needs a little time to regain control over him.

Steve gets him a glass of water, avoiding sudden movements as much as he can, and waits until Bucky's breathing has settled before handing it to him.

"Better?" he asks. The dark haired man nods as he takes a sip.

"Yes, sorry about that."

"Please stop apologizing, it's not your fault. I was so happy to hear you laughing again that I got too carried away, I probably shouldn't have- maybe it'd be better if I stopped being so clingy and hugging you all the time…"

"No! Please don't… Don't do that. I-I like it when you touch me. It's… reassuring. I just need time to convince the Winter Soldier that you're not a threat."

"Good, because I don't really think I'd be able to hold myself back, to be honest" he says, smiling, and plants a kiss on his temple before getting up.

Steve does it absentmindedly and in a friendly manner, but Bucky's heart skips a beat nonetheless. And he might not be an expert in interpersonal relationships, or in anything other than war, combat and killing, for that matter, but he's more or less certain that these feelings he's getting don't exactly fit under the term 'friendship'. He wishes he could ask Steve about James Barnes and how close they really were, but he's not sure if the blond would be ok with it, and he's not sure the wants to know the answer either. He winces.

* * *

Steve's not sure why, but he realises Bucky does not like kisses.

He's ok with holding hands, hugging, and everything else, and it's not like he actually tells him he doesn't like them, but each time Steve kisses him on the forehead or the cheek, he tenses. It's a bit saddening, but the blond stops doing it anyway, because he can live without it, and he doesn't want to make Bucky uncomfortable.

There are other things that make up for it, though.

They joke, they go out, they cook and do the housework together… Bucky still goes to the old couple's pub, and since Fury called and said that if he wasn't planning on ending his time off work soon, he'd better help with files and paperwork at least, most days Steve just grabs his laptop, comes along and sits on a table by the corner, working as he watches his friend move around the bar.

Everything is basically quite ordinary, but after the hectic lives they both have had, 'ordinary' sounds kind of appealing.

Perhaps not kissing Bucky or engaging in so much physical contact it's for the better, because he's starting to get weird feelings around the man.

It was easier with Bucky back then. The man had always been a womanizer, and by the time Steve was old enough and not completely clueless anymore to start wondering about love and feelings and that kind of stuff, he was so used to seeing his friend hit on girls that he never even gave it a thought.

But when, after spending 70 years on ice, you wake up in a world where things like women being dangerous assassins or men marrying other men are not only accepted and normal, but also popular, you start to reconsider stuff.

Even more so when, after you wake up in such world, you can't stop thinking about your deceased best friend, and keep looking back at all of your memories together, wondering if maybe there was more to them, things you didn't see at the time, hints…

Steve knows he's overthinking it. It's not that he never thought about it, it's that he never loved Bucky more than as a friend, a brother, back then.

It's the Bucky from now who's giving him weird feelings, who's messing with his head.

He's, essentially, the same man, even if he himself does not fully realise it, or if he still has a bit of recovery to do. But at the same time, he's not.

For the first time, they are on equal footing, both matched in strength, physical condition and ability, and that's a pleasant prospect, but yet Bucky's more vulnerable and in need of his help than he's ever been, and it makes him even more protective of him than usual, which is saying a lot.

So his best friend is still there, in all of his 1940's glory, but all this mess has also shown him a new side of Bucky, and he likes it. He likes the fact that Bucky needs him, because he likes taking care of him and telling him everything's going to be alright. He likes that, for the first time in his whole life, he's able to protect Bucky like he has protected him so many times before.

And it's the Bucky from now who's messing with his head, because the Bucky from now is the Bucky from before, and much more. He's like the Bucky from before would've been, had he lived through all of the things the man before him has lived through. In essence, they are the same, but with an extra 70 years of ice, blood and pain.

An extra 70 years that have made all the difference in the world, judging by Steve's feelings.

It's funny how Bucky was worried about not being able to be the same man from before, to meet Steve's expectations, and in the end he's ended up being much more than that.

If someone had told Steve that Bucky would end up meaning even more to him that he already meant, he wouldn't have believed it to be possible.

He looks up at the man, waiting tables like he was born to it, and a chuckle escapes his lips.

* * *

**- V7**


	8. Chapter 8

**This one is one of my fav chapters, so I really hope you like it!  
**

* * *

"Why the hell did we go in such bad weather?" he asks as they walk into the bedroom, both soaking wet.

"It was your fucking idea" Bucky grunts.

Steve laughs as strips of his T-Shirt, and then opens the drawer to grab a towel and dry clothes.

"You could've said it was madness"

"Trying to change your mind _is_ madness, you stubborn punk"

"Oh, shut up" Steve says as he throws the towel over Bucky's head and starts drying his hair. He still hears the man laughing softly from under the cloth.

They both feel at ease like this, enjoying the simplicity of the other's presence.

Steve puts the towel aside and tugs at Bucky's wet T-Shirt in order to strip him off it, but then the man suddenly pushes himself away from him, panic painted in his eyes, and he's practically rushing out the door by the time Steve grabs his metal forearm, not letting him get away.

"Bucky, what—?"

"Sorry… I-I'm sorry, it's just…" he seems anxious, scared and so different from the man he knows, from the man he was just seconds ago, that Steve worries, wondering what might've gone wrong. But then he notices him clutching at his left shoulder with his right hand despairingly, and he thinks he knows what's bothering him, even if he does not fully understand why Bucky's suddenly so sickened by the prosthesis.

Slowly, he drags him to the bed and makes him sit on the edge, and then he reaches out for his metal hand. Bucky's breath hitches, but he does not pull away when the man entwines his fingers with his own, artificial ones. He looks up into his friend's eyes, and as he smiles at him, lovingly and reassuringly, his breathing gets steadier and he calms down a bit.

"I'm sorry…"

"There's nothing to be sorry about." Steve raises their joined hands to his mouth and places a light kiss on Bucky's, because even if the man is not entirely comfortable with kisses, it still feels appropriate this time. "Come on, it's not so bad, there's actually something… appealing about it."

"That's not… It's not about the arm itself…" he says as he grips at his shoulder more tightly, disgust painted on his eyes.

And Steve gets it.

He had been doing ok with all the touching and holding hands all this time; Steve hadn't mind the prosthesis, and that had seemed to be enough for Bucky, until now, when he had tried to take his shirt off.

"Let me see it" he asks softly. The older man looks devastated as he shakes his head.

"It's… _hideous…_"

"Buck, I'm not going to let you spend the rest of our lives fearing the day I might see you shirtless. Let me see it" and this time it wasn't a request, but more than the tone it was the words what did the trick, spoken without thinking but their meaning overwhelming nonetheless: '_The rest of _our_ lives'_. And he can't help but give in.

Hesitantly, Bucky lets go of his grip on his shoulder and allows Steve to slowly strip him off his black long-sleeved shirt, pulling it over his left arm first, then his head, and then finally his metal arm. He takes a sharp breath as the man eyes the joint, and he does not dare to even glance at his friend to gauge his reaction. He doesn't need to look at the aberrant union between flesh and metal to know what his friend is seeing, the scarred skin clashing against the appendix gruesomely.

Then he feels the pressure against the plates, and his brain tells him Steve's fingers are ghosting over his arm, slowly reaching up to his shoulder. His pulse quickens and his whole body tenses, but the blond is just caressing the joint softly, tenderly, mapping his scars and tracing the union.

"Does it hurt?"

Bucky shakes his head.

"Only a bit… when it's cold"

Steve nods as he leans in closer and starts placing soft, loving kisses where his fingers were before, since this time it didn't seem to be bothering his friend, and that simple gesture is more intimate than anything Bucky has ever felt. He shudders and lets out the breath he's been holding, and once again he can't help but wonder what he has ever done to deserve such love.

A tear escapes his eyes, but he doesn't bother trying to hide it.

The man's now gently holding his shoulders and tenderly kissing him along his collarbone, then the base of his neck, along his carotid, beneath his earlobe, on his jawline… The progress is so deliberately slow and paused that by the time he reaches the corner of his mouth Bucky's yearning for it, and when Steve finally presses his lips against his, he kisses back, breathing into him.

It's chaste, pure, speaking of things Bucky does not dare to crave for, and far too short. When the blond pulls back, despite how delicate the kiss was, he's in need for air, just because Steve leaves him breathless.

Then the man places a last light kiss on his shoulder.

Steve does not think the joint is hideous, as Bucky called it. He really just does not mind, but Bucky doesn't need nor deserve his condescendence, so he does not lie either, does not try telling him it's beautiful, or even just _ok._

He looks at him.

"I love you. _All _of you" is all he says.

And Bucky believes him.

* * *

For a while, Bucky just lets himself be cradled by the man, resting his head on the crook of his neck. Then the blond pulls back to look at him, smiling gently.

"Better?" he asks, and Bucky nods.

It's still a bit early, but they both are physically and emotionally tired, so by unspoken mutual agreement they strip of their respective wet jeans, throw a couple T-Shirts on, and lie down on the bed.

They don't say anything else, but there's no need to.

Steve doesn't make a move to leave, dreading the prospect of the solitude of the couch, and he does not feel guilty about not going away because Bucky not only seems to not mind it at all, but judging by his look when Steve hit the bed, he was actually hoping he'd stay. The man holds his hand, pulls him closer, and throws the covers over them, and Bucky smiles to himself and rests his head on the blond's chest. As Steve wraps his arms around him, protectively, the last thing that goes through his mind is how this is the first time he's ever felt completely safe that he can remember, and how he wants to always fall asleep to this, the warmth, the soothing and rhythmic heartbeats beneath him, and Steve's amazing scent filling his mind.

* * *

**This was sappier than a Nicholas Sparks book, and I regret nothing.**

**- V7**


	9. Chapter 9

**In which Steve is a clueless idiot and Bucky has to use his old skills.**

* * *

With morning light come the doubts.

Steve's revolve around how he shouldn't have taken advantage of Bucky's emotional breakdown to kiss him, and how the man had always tensed when Steve kissed him before, and that should've been enough indication for any decent man that he didn't like it, or at least that he wasn't comfortable with that degree of intimacy yet. But no, he had to seize his moment of mental vulnerability and go and make things awfully weird between them.

Bucky's have to do with James Barnes. His doubts always have to do with James Barnes. He once again wonders if they were lovers, and if they were, how can Bucky even hope to keep up with someone like him? Steve insists that he's the same man, but the time will come when he'll realise Bucky's simply not good enough, will never be good enough. What does he have to offer? A troubled mind and a broken body… Maybe he has already realised it. That would explain why he rarely kisses him, even though he did at first. Last night could've perfectly been the man just kissing him out of compassion, to make him feel better. He's the kind of guy what would do such a thing, be nice to others when they need him, despite his own desires…

Bucky wakes up first. He's not sure about what's the best way to proceed when you wake up beside your lifelong friend, then mortal enemy, then slowly friend again, and then possibly love interest, so he settles for staying on the safe side and making breakfast. He's a bit nervous about last night, but he also kind of wants Steve to get up and smile at him like he always does, telling him without words that this isn't weird in any way and that everything's going to be ok.

But Steve has always been dense regarding relationships, and when he wakes up, the first thought that crosses his mind is that he's an asshole and has screwed everything up.

So when he walks into the kitchen and the dark haired man turns around at the sound, he looks away, avoiding Bucky's gaze.

"Morning" he mutters, shyly.

And all kinds of gloomy thoughts about James Barnes instantly fill Bucky's mind. He closes his eyes and sighs, because _of course it was too good to be true._

"Morning…" he answers, not quite managing to hide the sadness in his tone.

Fortunately, as the hours go by the situation slowly turns less and less uncomfortable. None of them mentions what happened yesterday, and they slowly start acting normal again, until they're finally back to their usual, bantering selves. However, Steve keeps his distance, and not only he's back into not-kissing mode, but he also avoids touching him whatsoever. It's frustrating.

_'__But he said he loved me'. _As the day progresses and he gradually shifts back into the normal Bucky, his self-confidence also returns, and he clings to that thought, because he knows Steve is not a liar and he refuses to think he stands no chance against a dead man. Besides, he knows enough about James Barnes to be certain that the man would've never given up on someone he liked, and isn't Steve always saying that he's just like him?

Maybe he could've accepted the fact that Steve does not like him in the same way he does, but to all of a sudden stop the friendly hugs or even jokingly punching his arm? What does he fear, that if he does not keep his distance Bucky might shove him against a wall and kiss him senseless?

He could do that, actually.

Now that he's over his small breakdown and back to his usual self, all he can think about is how the thought is appealing to say the least; Steve pinned against the wall, his face flustered, eyes half-lidded and breathing ragged. But that could also completely ruin everything between them, sadly, so maybe it's better to be subtle about it.

It sounds like a good enough plan, and Bucky starts putting it into action right away.

It's only simple, innocent gestures at first. Slowly drinking a glass of water and then licking his lip a lot more sensually than necessary when he knows Steve is looking; walking a bit too close to him when he passes him by, his hand brushing against his thigh not so softly; walking out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist because "I forgot my clothes..." and letting out a small chuckle as he runs his fingers through his damp hair…

They watch a movie together that night, like they usually do. Only this time Steve's sitting a lot straighter on the couch than what's normal for him, and Bucky's leaning against the back nonchalantly, his T-Shirt shamelessly rolling up to his waist and his pants sitting a bit too low.

The man cannot be sure, but he thinks he sees Steve sneaking glances at him every once in a while, and he has to hold back a chuckle. Apparently, he's good at this kind of stuff… Maybe there's more left of James Barnes in him than what he thought.

"Sleep with me" he bluntly states when the movie's over.

"What!?"

"It's a bit cold tonight, my arm hurts. It'll be better with you in the bedroom."

"Oh! Y-Yeah, sure."

Steve is going crazy. He's not sure if Bucky's aware of how sexy he's been looking all day, but it takes all of his will-power to not strip right there in the middle of the living room and ask him to please take him.

The man has always had a natural ability to look hot, he knows that, but either he has purposely started making obvious invitations at him, or for some reason it's only now that Steve realises how everything he does or says is full of… sex.

Maybe what happened yesterday is the reason why now he's extremely receptive to anything regarding the dark haired man?

Whatever the reason, he must be actually imagining things, because he keeps seeing sexual innuendos everywhere, and they can't all possibly be intentional; that would be wicked…

It's funny how much everything can change in a just a day. 24 hours earlier they were both lying on this very same bed, Steve's arms wrapped reassuringly around Bucky, and the man thinking that maybe this could actually work, maybe all the pain Hydra had caused him was finally over. But now the blond has his back turned against his, and if he tries to get any further away from him he's going to end up falling off the bed.

It would've been comical if it wasn't so frustrating.

* * *

**- V7**


	10. Chapter 10

**We're almost done, just a couple chapters more, tops (:**

* * *

It takes them seven days to come clean.

Throughout the week Bucky keeps up his game during the day, but at night, even though they sleep in the same bedroom, all he gets is coldness.

Steve diligently lies as far away from him as the bed allows, and Bucky can barely stand the distance anymore.

But still, he feels grateful. The fact that he's allowed to be here now, sharing a bed with his best friend, simply daring to want more when some weeks ago he would've killed anyone who did as much as try to touch him… All he is he owes to Steve. The man has never doubted him, not even for a second, and Bucky's not sure if he would've managed to do the same and not break down had the situation been the opposite.

"You were always the strong one…" he mutters, more to himself than deliberately aloud, but Steve's not asleep yet, and he instantly forgets about the tension and the weirdness, and turns around.

"You remembered something?" he asks, propping himself up on his elbow to better look at him. Bucky shakes his head.

"No, and at this point I don't think I ever will, to be honest… But I know."

Steve sighs.

"I wasn't strong, you had to save me all the time."

"But you were. You _are_. It's not physical strength that I'm talking about" Bucky grunts, struggling to find the right words. "Yes, I protected you from the bullies, but it was _you_ who saved me. Not only from the Winter Soldier, but also back then. Steve, from what you've told me, I was popular, well-built, good looking, smug, a player… do you realise how bad of a combination that is? The person I could've been… Fuck, I could've ended up being a bully myself, I could've been one of the guys beating you up… It freaks me out to even think about it."

This is the first time that the man is referring to the old James Barnes in the first person, actually acknowledging him as himself, and it surprises Steve.

"Bucky…" he tries, but his friend keeps talking.

"Who I was, and who I am, I am because you've always been there to push me in the right direction. I would've given–, no, I would give my life for yours, but I never could've done what you did, always bring out the best in me so easily… You've been doing it all along, to the point where you, and you alone, have managed to turn a heartless assassin into… well, me."

"Bucky, you've never given yourself enough credit. If I am a person worthy of any consideration, it's only because I've had you to look up to" he says, holding his hand. The man has been staring at the ceiling, but now he sits up and turns to look at him. He needs to settle this now.

"Were you lovers?" he asks him, throwing caution to the wind.

"What?" Steve asks back, caught off-guard by the sudden change of topic.

"You and James Barnes, were you lovers?"

"N-No! We didn't… No."

So they weren't… It's a nice surprise, but it also leaves Bucky wondering about the reason behind Steve's distant behaviour.

"But… why…?" he mutters to himself, thinking aloud. Steve misinterprets it as a question for him.

"We… never felt that way, I guess. I don't think he liked me like that."

"That's not what I meant."

"Bucky I… I'm lost" he admits, sitting up too.

"You said I was the same man."

"You are."

"But I do like you, so that doesn't make sense, and you've been acting weird..."

"Y-you what?"

"…the whole week, and why would you if not because you were lovers and it felt like I'm a different person, and you'd be betraying him if we –?"

"Buck, stop, stop!" says the man, holding his shoulders. His friend falls silent. "You… like me?"

"Really? You need to ask? Jesus fuck, you _are_ clueless…"

"Bucky…" he starts, losing his patience, but then the man wraps his hand around his neck and silences him by softly pressing his lips against his.

When he pulls back, just seconds later, there's a light blush on the blond's cheeks.

"A simple 'yes' would've sufficed..." he mumbles.

"I would've said yes had you asked me seven days ago, now it felt like I needed something that would get the message across…" Bucky cups Steve's face and stares deep into his eyes. "I love you."

"God, Bucky…" Steve looks like he could cry.

"I need… please, tell me I'm enough. I'm not going to be the same man, but –"

"Bucky, you're never going to be just 'enough'. The man you were was my brother, but the man you are now… I love him. I love _you_. You're perfect, Buck. You're not 'enough', you're _everything._"

The statement makes the man heave a sigh of relief, but a mere second later he frowns again.

"Then why the fuck have you been acting so weird?" he asks.

"I… I felt bad for taking advantage of you when I kissed you…"

"Taking advantage of _me_? How?"

"Well, you were feeling down and I should've… It probably wasn't the best time to –" Bucky laughs wholeheartedly, understanding what he means and cutting him off, and as surprising as it is, the sound is blissful.

"Jesus, Steve… Between the two of us, who a) has a record of being taken advantage of, and b) is the blushing virgin?"

"I'm not…" he tries, flushing, but Bucky quirks an eyebrow and smirks. "You are a jerk, Buck."

The man chuckles.

"We're both a pair of idiots, aren't we?" Bucky says, smiling at him. "And to think I've been working my ass off all week trying to lure you into liking me…"

"I knew it! I knew you had to be doing those things on purpose!"

"Oh… so you did notice?" he teases, pushing the blond down against the bed.

"Y-yeah, well… I mean, who… who wouldn't?" the man trips over his own words, and Bucky's merciful enough to capture his lips in a kiss.

A deep, wet kiss this time, passionate enough to make his inexperienced friend gasp against his mouth in surprise, and Bucky would've licked his lips at the obvious invitation, had he not been busy using them for something much more pleasing. He slips his tongue past the parted lips and inside the man's mouth, and as Steve buries his fingers into Bucky's hair, moaning into him, they both know they're finally home.

* * *

**Aaand ****I know you're going to hate me for leaving it there but I'm going camping for the weekend so you're gonna have to wait a little bit for the next one (just a couple days, really). Sorry!**

**- V7**


	11. Chapter 11

**This one's a long one and I really enjoyed writing it, for obvious reasons. Hope you all like it!**

* * *

Steve's cheeks are flushed.

"If this is how a kiss should be like, I've been doing a lousy job my entire life. Not that I've had much practice, but…"

Bucky laughs.

"I think you did pretty well just now" he says, lowering his head to sweetly lick Steve's lip, never breaking eye-contact. The man shudders.

"W-well, it was _you_ who was doing the kissing…" he manages to say, both still so close that their lips brush together as they speak.

"Fair point. But you're forgetting that it's been 70 years since I last kissed someone, and that on top of that, I have no memories of if."

"Great. So you're a lucky bastard and this is a natural talent for you. Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

The older man lets out a chuckle, and feeling the vibration against his lips makes Steve short of breath.

"What I meant is that it's easier than it seems" he says, pulling back a little to better eye the blond. "First you lean in slowly, inch by inch, building up anticipation before you finally press your lips against the other person's" and as he speaks, he softly rubs his thumb against Steve's lower lip. "Then you run your tongue through his lips, applying just a tiny bit of pressure, tentatively asking him to open his mouth…" and he gently presses his finger against Steve's upper lip. The blonds' breath is heavy as he slowly parts his lips, but not only due to Bucky's sensual touch, but also because the way the man is looking at him, like there's _nothing_ in the world he wants more than Steve right now, is making his pulse race. "And then you rub you tongue against his, lovingly and tenderly, or maybe, if it so happens that you've spent 70 years waiting for it, then just on the edge of forceful, desperately, breathing him in and wanting to taste him and know every inch of him."

And Steve grabs the neck of Bucky's T-Shirt and pulls him down for a rough, needy kiss that, if it's a bit clumsy, Bucky is too distracted by the hot tongue roaming inside his mouth and the fingers digging into his shoulder to notice. He groans into the blond's mouth as a shiver runs down his spine, because whatever he might say about his skills, Steve is kissing him with all that he is, and it's _perfect._

"How... how was that?" he asks when they pull back, a lovely shade of red staining his cheeks.

Bucky's even a bit short of breath, stunned by Steve's move, but soon the surprise in his eyes turns into a predatory look.

"I'm going to make love to you."

It's not a question. Steve inhales sharply, his eyes opening wide.

"_Holly shit_, Bucky…" he breathes out.

"If you don't want me to, that's not going to do" he rasps. "You're going to have to be _very_ clear and categorical about it."

"N-no, please, just… Yes, dammit, I want you to. Of course I want you to."

And the man grunts, too impatient to actually say anything, and is already moving down to bite his neck, his jaw, tracing his quickening pulse with his tongue and nibbling and sucking, leaving red marks all over Steve's skin.

The super soldier moans under his touch and it almost makes the older man's mouth water, as if his briefs weren't already ridiculously confining without the alluring sounds. The excessive amount of clothing they are wearing is bothering Bucky. What the hell does the blond even need a T-Shirt in bed for? Bucky at least has the excuse of his little trauma, and it's not like the room gets cold at night with both of them there…

The man sits straight and straddles Steve's hips.

"Take that off" he commands, pointing at the offensive piece of clothing. His voice is low with lust, and he eyes him with such desire that Steve cannot recall ever being so turned on.

He pulls his shirt over his head as gracefully as he can, considering how aroused he is, and promptly tosses it aside, sitting straight after that so he can strip Bucky off his too.

The man unconsciously tenses a bit, but allows him to do it, and as soon as the shirt has been discarded he digs his nails and metal fingers into Steve's arms, forcing him closer to his chest, finally feeling the warmth of the blond's skin against his own. Steve is just taller enough that Bucky sitting on his thighs leaves them at eye-level, and the older man just has to do something about the pink, soft lips inches away from his, because at this distance they are impossible to ignore.

As his friend bites and sucks on his lower lip, a shiver runs down Steve's spine, involuntarily making him rock his hips, and causing both their erections to rub together through their underwear. A jolt of pleasure runs throughout their bodies, leaving them panting and staring into each other, and Bucky's eyes ere clouded with desire when he pushes Steve down against the mattress.

"What was that you just did?" His voice is plain lust.

"S-sorry… It was a reflex reaction, I wasn't meaning to…"

"It's like you're asking me to _devour_ you."

Steve can't even breathe properly by now.

"_Dear Lord,_ Buck…"

But that's all he manages to say, because Bucky's instantly shoving his tongue into his mouth, almost violently, his hands on his hair and his weight pressing down on him. Steve's lips are already sore from the friction and the constant biting, and yet each time the man's teeth capture them it sends shivers down his spine and he can't help but want Bucky to bite harder, who gives a fuck if he draws blood.

He feels the cold fingers closing around his throat, the grip tight but not strong enough to choke him, and it sends a new wave of pleasure throughout his body. There's no fear. Instead, the fact that his life is in his friend's hands, and the knowledge that Bucky could easily kill him right now if he wanted to, but chooses not to, brings him an entirely new kind of joy.

The lips that clash against his own give him a moment of respite when the man pulls back to suck on his neck, a bit below the ear.

"You're mine" he grunts when he's satisfied with the red mark he's left there, as if his possessive hold on Steve's throat -and life- wasn't proof enough of how much he belonged to him.

"Yes."

"I wasn't asking."

"I know."

When the dark haired man slides his hand under the waistband of Steve's boxers, the super soldier forgets how to breathe at all.

The fingers that wrap around his already rock-hard cock are rough and calloused, but then again, Bucky's hands were also like this back then, when Steve was always so sick that his friend had to work his ass off to bring home meds and enough food for them both. It's a familiar feeling among all these new sensations running through his body, and it only makes it more real. They're both here, alive and finally together, and he's not sure if the gasp that escapes his lips is due to the realisation, to the oxygen deprivation, or rather caused by Bucky's slow and steady strokes.

The man feels more than hears the blond's pant, because he's still kissing Steve and does not plan on stopping, and it's a sound so sweet, sweeter even than his moans from before, that he just needs more, needs to make him scream, to taste Steve's frantic breaths on the back of his throat. He bites the pink, soft lips as he tightens his grip on his friend's erection a bit, and there it is again, a quiet gasp, rolling off said perfect lips shamelessly.

The sound is a drug, and Bucky's addicted.

He stops his strokes just long enough to strip Steve of his underwear, and even though the super soldier blushes, he still does the same with Bucky's, and then the man is instantly on top of him again, only this time he does not meet his lips, and Steve is about to protest when the feels the skilled mouth closing around the head of his cock.

The surprised and strangled cry echoes in Bucky's ears like music from heaven. He's done this. As unbelievable as it is_, he's done this_, the trembling under his touch and the laboured breathing as his tongue licks the tip of Steve's member. The thought only makes him want more, want to make a mess of his friend, to make love to him like it's the end of the world and see him all breathless and flustered beneath him, wrecked and completely ruined and all _his_. His fingers dig into Steve's hips to hold him in place when he swallows him in one go, because the blond shivers and arches into him involuntarily, and Bucky won't have it like that, won't let his virgin friend set the pace, because he knows that if he does this is going to end a lot sooner than he'd find it acceptable. And he wants this to last, so he keeps him pinned down as he takes him in, slowly, teasingly, only to pull back again and repeat the motion at the same frustrating speed.

The panting never stops; if anything, it becomes louder, more captivating, incoherent attempts at words mixing with the heavy breathing. Bucky gently drags his teeth along Steve's cock, and it earns him a hiss as the blond again tries to rock his hips to find more friction, and fails, because the older man is merciless and the rhythm is still too slow to make him come, but steady enough to keep him desperately close.

"B-Bucky… _ahh_" he wants to say something, ask him to please stop or else to fuck him senseless already, but he's finding it very hard to form sentences when the man's lips are so warm and all stretched around him and insanely alluring. "Buck, _stop_. Let me… _Fuck! _I want to –ahh– touch y-you…" and he swears he feels the man's lips curving up into a smirk around his dick.

He has his fingers tangled in Bucky's hair, just because he needed to feel something in his hands to ground himself to reality and that was the only part of him he could reach, so he pulls his locks a little too harshly, demands him to stop, and Bucky does, but not before taking him in one last time, all the way, and "_oh God_", Steve cries, because he just felt how his dick hit the back of Bucky's throat, how the grunt the man let out sent vibrations through his cock.

He wants to curse at Bucky, because it shouldn't be like this, he doing all the work, carefully and slowly as if Steve was some delicate crystal figurine, moreover when he's so turned on and Bucky said he was going to devour him. He wants to complain, but he can't, because the man's dominant and needy lips are over his again, kissing him roughly and violently, and he does not feel delicate and frail anymore, especially not when he's tasting himself in Bucky's mouth. It's lewd, but he likes it.

The man's hands switch to his neck as he kisses him passionately, and Steve finally finds himself free to move. He grabs Bucky's hips and rolls his to meet them, bringing their bodies together, their erections rubbing against each other, and it's Bucky's turn to gasp now, because Steve moves in just the _right_ way, his hold on his hips strong, and he's wrapping his legs around his waist and _goddamit his body feels amazing._ He growls.

"Enough with the finesse and the subtlety" Steve tells him, voice low and gritty, and as he sucks and scraps his teeth along his neck, tracing his pulse, he grinds up against him again, as if to prove his point. He's turned on and has been waiting for this for too long, needs to be sure it's real, needs it to be ruthless, rough, and Bucky's ok with that.

Still with Steve's arms around his waist, he reaches out for the bottle of lube he keeps on the night stand at his side of the bed –_his_ night stand, because he hasn't spent the last week trying to make this happen to let himself be caught unprepared for it when it finally did, and he knew he could keep it there because Steve respects his privacy.

"Are you really sure about–?"

"Yes" Steve doesn't let him finish. He kisses him, softly, encouragingly. "Yes, Buck, please. I need you…" and he rocks his hips against Bucky's again.

The man grunts, meeting his lips as he coats his warm, flesh fingers with lube and places Steve's leg over his shoulder.

"Relax" Bucky whispers into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe as he circles two fingers around Steve's hole.

The blond's breathing hitches when his friend pushes one in, slowly. It's a bit uncomfortable, weird, but it doesn't hurt. Then the dark haired man adds the second one, and he can feel the tightness, the muscles clenching around him as he moves them around, and Steve letting out a groan. It makes him pause for a second, but the super soldier doesn't sound like he's in pain, so he resumes the movement, twisting the digits to loosen him up. Soon, Steve is moaning into his mouth, more so when Bucky hits the sensitive bundle of nerves and sends an electric bolt shooting up his spine.

"Ahh… Buck, I… J-just fuck me already…"

So he adds a third finger, making Steve grunt softly in discomfort this time, but that doesn't make him stop, because the blond is still urging him to go faster, digging his nails on his shoulders –only on his flesh shoulder, really– and he, too, needs this to be harsh and forceful, to really feel it, and there will be another time for tenderness.

He takes his fingers out and coats his own cock with lube, still hard from all the sounds that have escaped Steve's lips, from his flustered look and their rough kisses, and as he keeps him in place with his metal hand, he presses the tip against his now slick hole.

Steve's groan is definitely pained when Bucky slowly slips into him, and the man curses and hates himself for it, but he still lets out a quiet, breathy moan, because he can actually feel the muscles tightening around him, and even though feeling pleasure when Steve is hurt is totally unacceptable, he can't help it. Steve, panting, eyes lidded and covered in sweat, is just beautiful, and all his, and so warm inside… but it's only fitting, because the man is like the fucking sun.

"_Jesus fuck"_ he mutters, head buried in the crook of the blond's neck. Both their breaths are ragged, Steve's due to the sharp pain and Bucky's due to the fire burning through his body.

He wants to pound into him desperately, but he stays completely still for his sake, despite how hard it is for him to hold himself back right now, with Steve's muscles clenching around his cock like an obvious invitation, screaming "just start moving, already". But he doesn't, lowering his head to lick the blond's lips instead, cupping his cheek with his left hand, his metal one still on his hip, waiting for him to catch his breath.

"You ok?" he asks, kissing him lovingly. The man snorts.

"For fuck's sake, Buck, I'm not made of glass…" he says through gritted teeth.

So Bucky smiles and kisses him again as he rocks his hips forwards, burying himself fully inside Steve. The blond grunts into his mouth when he slowly pulls out, and then back inside him, just once. It's still slightly painful, but bearable. Steve rolls his hips tentatively, and yes, it definitely hurts less, so this time he hears Bucky's moan, and it sends a shiver up his spine.

"Careful…" the older man rasps when he repeats the motion, but Steve isn't having any of that and just rocks his hips again, the pain quickly fading.

"_Move, _Bucky" he grunts, clawing his skin, and the man obeys, because how can he not?

And as soon as he starts, he can't stop. Steve is everything he's ever wanted, all fire and sunshine, and _perfect_ around him, and the pace Bucky sets is probably too hectic but he can't hold himself back, and none of them really care. The blond rolls his hips to meet each thrust Bucky makes, both somehow finding a rhythm, moving in synch, bodies pressed together and breathing each other's air.

It's not tender and sweet, but rather passionate, rough, and still _just right._ Steve is panting his name, and it only makes everything more intoxicating, so Bucky has to bite the super soldier's shoulder, because if he doesn't keep his mouth busy, he's going to end up screaming in pleasure. The feelings are overwhelming and he can barely keep his balance, his stronger, metal arm the only thing keeping him from falling forward.

Steve's arms are around his shoulders, drawing him impossibly closer and scraping his skin each time he pounds into him, and fuck, he's close already, because the blond is tight and warm and beautiful, and keeps clenching his muscles around him like he was born for it, for _him_.

They move in perfect harmony, all skin against skin and hips rolling together, Steve's moans and words growing more incoherent and ragged by the second, and when he suddenly arches his back into him after a thrust, crying out his name, Bucky knows he's also on the verge of release.

He reaches down with his right hand and wraps his fingers around Steve's cock, somehow managing to keep the strokes in time with his thrusts, and thank god the blond is a superhuman, because he does not think the little air he's breathing in right now would be enough to keep a normal person alive. The kisses they share are messy and taste salty, and soon enough Steve is throwing his head back and gripping the sheets.

"Ahh… B-Buck…!"

"C'mon, Steve" he says, kissing his jaw.

The blond's body jerks upwards as his orgasm hits him, Bucky still stroking him through it while he shivers and screams out his name. His breathing is ragged, and pleasure makes his vision blur for a few seconds. With what clarity he has left he realises Bucky's still hard inside him, and though the aftershock has left his body over-sensitized, he still rolls his hips to meet his thrusts, helping him release too. As if Bucky could hold back when Steve's all flustered and panting, spasms running throughout his body and muscles contracting around Bucky's cock.

The older man mutters his name, though it comes out more as a low grunt, and spills inside him shortly after, kissing Steve like it's the end of the world, not really helping him catch his breath but who gives a fuck. The feeling of being filled with something warm and slick and _Bucky _is like nothing Steve's known before, and he kisses back with equal passion because this is perfect in every way and they're in love. Then the man pulls out and crumbles gracelessly on top of him, not minding the mess Steve made of their stomachs, breathing heavily and still shuddering. He's heavy, but pushing him away is out of question; Steve wouldn't trade him for the world.

When their breathing settles and Bucky looks up at him, Steve flashes one of his smiles.

"You ok?" he asks, wrapping his arms around him lovingly.

"Never better" Bucky mumbles through sleepy eyes, smiling back. "You? Does it hurt?"

"Not at all, but I think I could eat a horse right now…" his friend laughs at that.

"Yeah… it tends to have that effect."

"And I need a shower too."

"Can't that wait?" Bucky asks, making a face. The blond lets out a chuckle.

"It will have to, cause I can't bring myself to move right now" Steve smiles, and Bucky props himself up on his elbow to press his mouth against his. It's just lips on lips, tender and sweet, a promise of a life together.

"Great, cause I really don't want to miss that shower, but if I don't sleep right now I might just fall into a coma."

Steve laughs softly and kisses him again as he throws the covers over them.

"I love you" the blond says when they pull back.

"You're a sap" Bucky teases, resting his head on Steve's chest and already half asleep.

"Can't you just say you love me back?"

"I love you back."

* * *

**And that's it! Could be considered the last chapter, but I think I might write a short epilogue one of these days. I really hope I did a decent job and you enjoyed the story! Let me know if there's anything I did wrong or some major mistakes or if you have any prompts or whatevs! If you liked it, stay tuned cause I'll probably be writing more Stucky stories soon. Hugs!**

**- V7**


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